surging forward

if they hate us because of our freedoms, how come they haven't attacked switzerland? or sweden? or norway? or germany? or ireland? but if they hate us because we keep meddling in the middle east wouldn't that explain why they only attack us and britain? (well, now scotland as of today, but the new british pm is scotish) but who are you to believe; george w. bush or your common sense?

the surge is working quite well. the last three months have been the deadliest for our troops since the war began. the only thing gwb has accomplished with this "surge" is increased american casualities, more american mothers and fathers grieving, more wives crying, more children left without a father. and george keeps on smirking.

i really believe that the republican followers of george the mad just don't read the papers anymore. they just listen to their little right wing racist radio filling the airways with lies and rumors and attacks and fear-mongering (gotta be afraid of those mexican-muslim-terrorist-homosexual-commie-liberals-niggers who all hate us for our goodness and our pure white blood lines) they remind me so much of the character in doctor strangelove who kept talking about the commies "wanting to take our precious bodily fluids." they are seemingly so afraid that they have made themselves insane.


the sunnis kill the shiites
the shiites kill the sunnis
the sunnis and the shiites kill the kurds
the kurds kill the sunnis, shiites and the turks
let's get in the middle of this
and make this surge work.

insanity.

we built a fence on the border but ended up putting the fence in mexico
now we have to tear it down
and build it again ten feet this away

insanity.

by the way, has new orleans been rebuilt yet? are the levies fixed? have the people come back?

oh well, i am off to mesquite, nevada to do some comedy. lol.

BBC, HICKS BOOKS AND VEGAS

have not heard back from the bbc, don't know what is going on but will post it as soon as i know anything. they may have decided to not interview me for all i know. i can recommend the book BILL HICKS, AGENT OF EVOLUTION which is good but not great and does a good job of capturing the houston years of the TEXAS OUTLAW COMICS. in my opinion it is better than AMERICAN SCREAM which came out right after bill's death.

no place like vegas: we had 5 county commissioners two years ago and of the 5, four were convicted of multiple charges of corruption. one was getting 16,000 dollars per month from one devoloper and still taking another three grand a month from a titty bar owner. the one who was not convicted is rumored to be the most corrupt of the five. even chicago and new york in their heydays of corruption could not match our boys and girls. it's vegas, baby! hell, our mayor used to be the mob's attorney here and he does gin commercials as a sideline money maker. it's vegas, baby! our governor was accused of attacking a woman in a parking garage and i, and most of the people i know, think he did it. surprising enough the security tapes disappeared and then miraculously were found several weeks later and lo and behold, they showed nothing.

don't get me wrong, i love this town. corruption and all, no better or fun place to live. just got out of the pool and now am off to have gormet breakfast; it's vegas, baby! going to play poker later and then some fans who are in town are taking rhonda and i out for dinner.

incidently, if you are in vegas or are coming, write me and let me know, i like meeting fans from around the country. unlike many performers, i like the people who buy the tickets to come see me and buy my albums, without you guys (that is non-sexual) i have no career so give me a holler when you are in town.

happy birthday, rhonda june

my lover, my friend, my partner in crime turns 39 again today (or so she says). i fell in love with rhonda before we officially met. i loved her mind before i loved her body. i loved her voice, her wit, her sense of right and wrong before we were together physically. i loved her intelligence and her knowledge of the world. i loved her ability to carry on a conversation which could range far and wide from deadly serious to extremely funny. (while, still to this day, she can't tell a joke, she always gets them, which is more important) she is funny (...just not as a joke teller...), aware, concerned, caring, empathetic, daring, full of adventure, willing to try new things, beautiful and a great lover. she loves me wholeheartly and unconditionally. i am blessed to have her for my wife and i love her with my whole heart and soul. happy birthday, rhonda.

CALL FROM LONDON

while driving here to dayton this week i got a call from a producer at the BBC in london and wants to interview me for a BBC special on BILL HICKS. so next week i am going to a studio in las vegas and be interviewed with a live feed back to england. cool. i love talking about bill. (a call from london bbc fits into that catagory of "not your usual phone call what with the heavy british accent and all.)

being friends with bill was akin to being a composer and then hanging out with mozart or a painter and your running buddy was picassol. he was a step above when it came to comedy. sometimes i would watch bill and the thought would cross my mind that maybe i should give up on this comedy thing, it has already been done and it was bill who did it.

i had been going up at the comedy workshop in houston for about 4 months when i first saw bill hicks. i had heard of him of course but he had "retired" at age 22 but unretired and this was one of the first sets he had done in about 6 months. it was fucking brilliant. i went home and told my wife that i had seen a genius. willie boy was the best that ever was. one time i talked to him about the money system and how it works; gold standard to federal reserve to credit cards to how the atm machines came to be and etc and etc. the next night he did 15 side splitting minutes on money. a subject that i knew for years and not come up with a single solitary funny fucking thought about it. man!

i have posted a couple of stories about bill here on the blog but the stories could paint an unfair picture of bill concentrating, as they do, on the wild and wooly but there was so much more to bill. he was a gentleman and a scholar. he was polite and thoughtful and all in all just great company. several times i went up to new york city and stayed with bill and his girl friend, pam, and the three of us would travel the city, eating, laughing, observing and having some of the best times of my life. people would stop and stare (and you have to be out there to get people in nyc to stop and stare) at the three of us laughing so hysterically that we were unable to stand. on a trip to washington bill and i were asked to leave the white house because we were doing a running comedy routine while on the tour. we were killing but they made us leave. no sense of humor.

bill had a habit of calling his friends after a show and going on various rants. "willie here" he would say and off he would go. many times i wished i had a recording device on my phone so i could capture this once in a lifetime comedy routine. the night the punchline in walnut creek, california booked bill with a YOUNG REPUBLICAN SOCIETY cocktail party. what were they thinking??? bill walked the entire room and called me immediately after coming off stage when the memory of what all he had said was still fresh. there has never been anything as funny as what i, and i alone, heard that night! oh well, i will save the rest for the bbc.

if you don't have any of bill's recordings do yourself a favor and get some.

seven partners?

70 some-odd people here in dayton got a great show last night... maybe the best show i have done in months. anytime i get two long stories in, it has been a good show, and last night i did WORLD'S GREATEST DOPE STORY and in the middle of the set i did JAN AND HOWARD, which, if you have not seen it, is the story of how i got caught in bed with the wife of a jealous hillbilly from west virginia who carried a load .45 with him at all times. as i said to the audience, don't judge me until you hear the story and ask yourself: what would you have done in the exact same situation? that story is not on any of the c.d.'s but will probably be on the next one. but, back to the show last night, the audience was just great and if any of you are reading this, thank you very much for coming out, you made the show not me.

today's paper had an article which said that the average male has had 7 sexual partners in his life. i have had more than that in one memorable night in australia. seven? fuck, i have lived with 6 women. the average woman, according to this article, had 4 partners in their life. i have a feeling that some women didn't answer that question honestly probably because, even today in the 21st century, there is a stigma on a woman who admits to having a lot of partners. it would be a damn shame if a woman only had sex with 4 men in her lifetime. 4 at a time would be cool but 4 in a lifetime would be waaaaaaay too few. (i guess there are some couples who met at an early age and fell madly in love and stayed with each other over a lifetime and hence had no other sexual partners and that would lower the averages but in reality that doesn't happen all that much. for those couples though, my hat is off to you and i am glad you were able to pull that off, so to speak) so, girls, if you have had less than 4, get busy! enjoy! my time of running around and jumping from bed to bed is over, since i am quite happy with my marriage and rhonda keeps me quite frisky at home, so i am not going to be able to help out with the averages, but one of you guys is going to have to pick up the slack. so to speak.

nothing much to say on this saturday morning so i will say good-bye for now.

CLACKATY CLACKING

dick cheney now says that the vice president is not part of the excutive branch of the government. dick apparently believes that the vp is some kind of royal office and not, in any way, answerable to the american people. using this excuse he still refuses to turn over to congress any of his emails or lists of people who have made official visits to his office. remember we still do not know who was involved in his original conference on energy policy. (we do know that ENRON people were there, but hey, why should that worry us?)

i would suggest that dick and all congresspeople read the constitution and it's description of the three branches of government and the checks and balances contained therein.

I NOW UNDERSTAND CHENEY'S ARGUMENT AND HE HAS A GREAT POINT: THE CONSTITUTION ONLY APPLIES TO ELECTED OFFICIALS. AND SINCE DICK AND DUMMY WERE NOT ACTUALLY ELECTED THEN IT DOES NOT APPLY TO THEM. OR AS DICK SAID, "HELL, WE WEREN'T ELECTED...WE STOLE THIS LITTLE BUGGER." (okay, he didn't say that. in public anyway. but i know in my heart he said it to someone)

the democrats are proving themselves to be just as devious, just as untruthful, just as evasive as any republican (with maybe the exception of dick and dummy). when they came into power in the house they made a big fucking deal of having "open legislation" so that the people (that's you and me) can know where their tax money is going. they were going to make public ALL EARMARKS AND WHO INSERTED THEM. (if you don't know what an "earmark" is educate yourself) so CNN started calling every representative in congress and asked them if they had posted their earmarks. 45 out 435 had posted. 390 apparently think the american public should not know how their tax dollars are being spent and have, so far, refused to make public their little contributions to the overall fiscal decline of america. CNN is asking viewers to call their representative and ask them if they have posted their earmarks. this is a great idea. i am calling mine and i beseech you to do the same. let us hold their theiving feet to the fire. earmarks are how congresspeople pay off their contributors. let's follow the money. get involved.

not that this is any endorsement of CNN or any other network "news" channels. guess what? britney spears is not news. paris hilton is not news. those are features. one of the things that all so called news channels do is TELL YOU WHAT THE NEWS IS GOING TO BE TOMORROW! quick study, logics 101, it can't be NEW if you knew about it in advance. if today you tell me that tomorrow the news will be about a little girl who got bullied that is not NEWS ON THE MORROW. (that is an actual story on cnn today--not news. little boys and girls have been bullied since the begining of time) besides, "news", has a connotation of being something that impacts us in some way. sudden rise in gas prices for instance, would impact us and information about how it happened would be truly "news." britney spears' TWAT IS NOT.

verily, verily as i wrote the above, cnn headline news has a piece on some israeli female soldiers posing in bikinis in a magazine called maxim (sp?) . that piece had run yesterday as well. they quote an israeli official who calls the photos "pornographic." now what does this piece accomplish? is it news? is it important? does it impact us? then what does it do? IT SELLS MILLIONS OF COPIES OF THAT MAGAZINE IS WHAT IT DOES. don't you see? i wonder who owns maxim magazine? could it be the same conglomorate that owns cnn? that is television's version of an earmark. the comment about pornographic was worth what? a half a million copies right there. see, that wasn't news, it was a commercial.

it's raining here in dayton
freight train rumbling across a wooden trestle
clackaty clacking itself
on the way to somewhere
else.

despicable describes dog-fighters

despicable is the word for ANYONE who engages IN ANY WAY in dog fighting. to think that this still goes on in america is sickening. if michael vick was/is involved in it, in my opinion, he should be prosecuted to full extent of the law and banned from the nfl. won't happen, of course, because he is the AMERICAN GOD, a professional football player. you know, that dull and predictable game that is played on sundays in america where hopped up thugs crash into other hopped up thugs. it is no wonder that among republicans professional football is the game of choice. it has all the war images to go along with their juvenille senses. scrimages, long bomb, blitz (nothing like a nazi term to resonate with a bushie), enemy terroritory, etc. overlooked is the fact that a large percentage of ex-nfl players are afflicted with multiple aliments related to their time on the field, trouble walking due to injured knees, misshapened spines, series of concussions causing early dementia and the list goes on and on. juiced on steroids and public adoration these "atheletes" seem, in many cases, to feel they are not only above the law but above any restraints, moral, legal or otherwise. (see today's paper for felony charges against pacman jones in las vegas.) and now, dog fighting. despicable.

i have said this before but i much prefer the company of dogs to the company of most humans. in all my life i have only met two dogs that i didn't like. can't say that for humans. and at least those two dogs were up front in their attitude towards me, they didn't like me and wanted to bite me. and told me so. i have, as you have, been stabbed in the back by people who claimed to be my friend. haven't you? i have had people who, when the chips were down, ran and hid. a dog is there through thick and thin. aren't they? you would be amazed at how many people from my past came acallin' when i was doing all those tv shows in the 90's. funny, hardly ever hear from them now. but my three dogs think i am just great. and so does my wife. but, then again, i am feeding them and fucking her. (that's a joke, rhonda.)

the dog fighting is another sign of our growing love of violence. peace loving people that we are, american troops are in over ONE HUNDRED countries around the world. street fights are on tv under the guise of EXTREME FIGHTING SHOWS. our murder rate is the highest among the industrialized world and approaches that of some of the third world countries. our youth copies the dress code of gang-bangers. some popular music glorifies guns, violence, crime, drug dealing (it is not the drugs that are the problem it is the violence that comes with that particular venture), degradation of women, racism etc etc etc. we even had some people in las vegas who filmed homeless men fighting and then sold the videos. despicable.

in the arts such as music or in my case, comedy, we no longer preach hard work and striving for betterment but to "get lucky." don't pay your dues, get on american idol. don't try to be original or witty or funny, get on last comic standing. (incidently, i have seen my material done on that show.) don't hone your craft, get lucky. fuck me. by the same token however, those on american idol or lcs or any of the other "get famous quick" schemes soon fade from view. (must be a bitch to be an "idol" one day and a year later can't find work) while those of us who actually have a love for our art form and while not famous nor rich, continue on making a living and rocking rooms coast to coast and around the world. there are comics, bands, singers, musicians, actors and other performing artists that if talent was the sole criteria they would be household names. instead, they perform in obscurity but they perform. not for fame nor for fortune but for the love of what they do. and if they never "make it" and become that household name they don't care for they lived a life of their chosing which is more than many can say.

eat at joe's

my dad...was one of the all-time good guys, while my mother was a religious psychopath. neither knew quite what to make of me.

dear ol' mom was quite sure i had been spawned by the demon himself, while dad wasn't sure that mom's descriptions of "what your son did while you were out of town..." were completely accurate (dad traveled all the time ~ my sister and i were convinced dad had a woman stashed somewhere else.)

When push came to shove along about my 14th year, dad sided with mommy dearest. i think it came down to the fact that he was going to have to live with her (she, being fundamentalist catholic, would never have given him a divorce) for the rest of his life. while i, one way or another, would soon be gone.

in the long run, it worked out well for them and for me. though i had a rocky start (what with jail and prison and all,) my life has been worth living since then and mom and dad went through old age together and traveled the world. in one of those strange twists of fate, my sister debbie (who never drank or smoked or did any drugs whatsoever) devoloped a horrible illness and died while in her late thirties, while i (druggie, smoker, drinker, party-man himself) am, of course, healthy as a horse and going strong in my sixties. ya just never know...

my dad's name was W T Shock. there is no period behind the w, nor the t, because they didn't stand for anything. just "w t"... everyone called him "bill"; i think because they thought the w was for william. when dad was in the army, he came face to face with army regulations. the army way is the only way. all the paperwork always said "full name, no initials." consequently, dad starting writing his name on the forms as W(only) T(only) Shock. for years, we had a copy of one of his army checks made out to PRIVATE FIRST CLASS WONLY TONLY SHOCK.

my dad was the master of the two-word joke. i think i picked up my ability to laugh at what otherwise should be a really bad situation from him.

in the 8th grade, i played in the state baseball championship game. i am the starting 3rd baseman that day. we blow a 6-run lead in the last inning and the tying and winning runs score on my error at third (with two out mind you,) when i let a routine grounder go right between my legs. it was fucking horrible! horrible! right between my fucking legs! i'm devastated! overcome with guilt and grief. as we are walking off the field, my dad puts his arm around me and says, "pressure player."

that's funny. and i thought so at the time.

couple of years go by and the situation at home has become unbearable and i am going to run away from home. i wait until my dad gets back from the road so i can tell him. the conversation goes like this:

me: "i'm leaving."
him: "don't write."

that's funny. and i thought so at the time.

my dad would always come and get me out of whatever jail i was in at that time and (unbeknownst to mom) help me out in some way or another because, deep in his heart, he believed that i would end up making something of myself. i am glad he lived long enough to see me on the tonight show with carson. he was impressed with my success at business but when i quit and became a stand-up and then went on to succeed (in some small way) at that as well, he was then really tickled.

it was the classic example of the unexpected-turn-of-events. only two people in the whole wide world were not surprised, me and w t.

he taught me how to box. ...matter of fact, i got boxing gloves before i got a ball glove. i think he knew i was going to have, what was called back then, "a mouth on me," and he thought it would probably be an advantage if i knew how to defend myself. he made me into a big fan of a fighter named willie pep, who was, in many an opinion, one of the all time great defensive fighters. "your opponent can't win if he can't hit you," was willie's, dad's and then my own philosophy of boxing ...came in handy at times i might add.

he also taught me how to play poker ...spent many a night playing 7-stud with my dad and his friends or my friends. another thing that has come in handy all through my life. i've always made money on the side playing poker ...and other card games as well.

made jail and prison easier, because you play a lot of cards in jail and most of them are team games where you are playing partners. soooo, if you happen to be the best card player in the place, you are the partner everyone wants...

important life skills:

be able to laugh in the face of adversity
be able to defend yourself if you have to
be able to play poker better than the other guy

he also gave me the love of the road. i went on many a trip during the summer months in that big buick he'd be driving. he bought a new one every year usually a two tone, red and white, blue and white or white and black. let me drive when we were out in the middle of nowhere and would give me tips then that have helped all through my life such as always figure the other guy is going to do something stupid. also he knew where all the good places to eat and the best golf courses were, in every town, big or little, in oklahoma, west texas and new mexico and we frequented them all. w t and me.

summer days
windows down
baseball on the radio
blacktop roads
and little towns
cafe sign said,
"eat at joe's"

blah and blather

last day in indy, shows have gone well even with small crowds on friday night. did the BOB AND TOM show yesterday but i was not on top of my game and i thought i did a 6 on 10 scale. oddly, i do radio coast to coast and almost every time the dj's say mine was one of the best interviews they have ever had and then i go on a show that can really do me some good and i am a plodding idiot. this show here, bob and tom always want me to be short and sweet which is not really my style since i like to go on a rant on the radio. so what happens, i am short but sour.

off to bloomington on monday for my all time favorite one-nighter. don't know what kind of crowds we will get since school is out but will rock the room regardless. will also see our friend, anne, who will, as always, take me out for a good meal. she was there the night i met rhonda and, in fact, had insisted rhonda come see since anne had been at what i consider the most incredible show i have ever done. it was right after i had gone on the road after ellen had gone into her final coma and i did a wonderful show and got a standing ovation and the audience demanded an encore. when i went back up i, for some reason, told the audience the story of the ordeal with ellen and her injuries with her impending death and experienced a crowd that was standing, laughing, crying and applauding all at the same time; i was crying as well. no one who was in that room that night will ever forget it. to my knowledge as i sit here i have never told that story on a stage other than that night. (nor have i ever told the story here on the blog and probably never will.)

incidently, i have been doing the "gay bomb" routine on stage here and have come up with a great punch line for it. love new stuff. also did DOG STORIES for the first time this year on stage. tonight i may do HAM AND CHEESE SANDWICH which is also a hoot. both of those are from the dog stories c.d. which is my favorite.

when i am on the road i find it hard to write. i had planned to work on my book this trip and so far all i have done is stare at a blank screen. same with writing on the blog. see, so far this has been blah and blather. i think it is because my whole energy and thought process is directed to the shows that either i am getting ready to do or the one i have already done. (more blah and blather)

don't you find it hypocritical that the united states berates iran for "meddling" in iraq. you know, what with them being next door and all and we invaded from the other side of the world. in bush's world, invading = good, meddling = bad. (bush = crazy)

also look forward to seeing brad in bloomington, good to hear from you.

the great cosmic dick joke

on the road again. afternoon in indy.

just when you think it can't get any stranger; in 1994 the pentagon started work on a "bomb" that would release a "gas" that when enemy soldiers came in contact with it, they would become (so to speak) homosexuals immediately and would then be incapable of fighting because they would become (so to speak) irresistibly and urgently attracted to their fellow soldiers.

"suck that dick, you terrorist, you!"

wind changes:
"suck my dick, you fellow american patriot, you!"

i will admit that i think sucking men off is preferable to killing men off. which would you rather be? sucked or killed? i rest my case.

not only is life a cosmic joke
many times
life is a cosmic dick joke.

(for which, comics everywhere are eternally (so to speak) grateful.)

i know i am.

the guy on tv would win in mississippi

the republicans are in such bad shape there is a growing clamor for fred thompson to run. freddy boy was pretty much an invisible senator doing as little as possible while sucking from the public teat. but he plays a d.a. on t.v. and hell, that qualifies him to be president of the united states. myfuckinggod!

i have made many a joke about how stupid they are in mississippi and lest you think i jest, please consider the following:

massachusetts sets the proficiency score on its fourth grade reading test just below the proficiency mark on the national test, national assessment of educational progress. in mississippi however, a fourth grader can be rated "proficient" with a score that is more than 70 points lower. i rest my case.

however, in fairness to mississippi, i must add that north carolina sets the "proficient" level the lowest of all 50 states. both of these states went overwhelmingly for george w. bush in '00 and '04. coincidence? no.

for the record, i am not going back to mississippi so you all down there can save your bullets. besides you might have to shoot a queer or a liberal and no sense in wasting ammo on a comic.

they love george in albania. please move there, geoge. p.s. take dick with you.

paris, water, creationists, dodgers and treason

the republicans have a new tactic; they are running against george w. bush.

there are 150 people working in THE WHITE HOUSE who graduated from "christian" colleges. you know, like the MESSIAH UNIVERSITY, where teaching of evolution is considered a sin.

so what we have is a fundamentalist christian administration, telling us that fundamentalist islam is the enemy. i beg to differ: fundamentalist anyfuckingthing is the enemy. fundamentalists believe that they, and they alone, speak, not for the people, but for god. and since, as we all know, god is never wrong, then they are never wrong. bush says god told him to invade iraq and bin laden says god told him to attack the united states. ( incidently, god told me that those two guys were idiots and he never speaks to them.)

in the greatest history book (in my own and many historians shared opinion), gibbon's DECLINE AND FALL OF THE ROMAN EMPIRE, gibbon says, "whenever the banners of church and state have united, the people have suffered." but hey, history never repeats itself.

the united states is in the worst drought in a century and not a single candidate from either party has mentioned, even in passing, the obvious danger to our country and the obvious solution that is available: desalination plants on all coasts, running on wave power (for a full discussion of wave power, read buckminster (sp) fuller's works) with pipelines running into the areas most affected. if we can ship oil, which is very heavy, from alaska to the bottom 48 states then we can surely ship water from california to arizona or from the gulf of mexico to kansas or from the east coast to florida (where lakes that are home to thousands of species are at the lowest levels ever,) etc. besides bringing an end to the threat of drought FOREVER for american farmers, this work would provide employment to tens of thousands of workers, most of them laborers, which would give a giant boost to the economy and tax revenues to the government. it would be in line with the TVA of the 30's and the INTERSTATE HIGHWAY systems of the 50's and 60's both of which enriched the country immensely. but no, what we hear about is gay marriage, homeland security (if we have no water we are not secure... but hey, why let logic get in the way of politics?) flag burning, building fences on our borders, granting amnesty to illegal immigrants if they a. pay a big fine, b. pay back taxes and then leave the country and go back to their original country and then apply (surely that is a joke... no wait, it's not.) , what to do about iraq, you know, that country we invaded for no reason, killing hundreds of thousands of their citizens--why do they hate so?, etc. etc. etc. just political posturing for the uneducated and ill-informed masses...instead of substantial ideas, from substantial individuals, to solve real problems that really do affect real people in our country.

derrick lowe of the dodgers ought to sue his offense for non-support, he has pitched three complete games this year, giving up 3 runs in one, two in another and one in the game last night; he has LOST ALL THREE. the dodgers scored a total of two runs in those three games. that is great pitching and lousy support.

a gore-obama ticket would be unbeatable in 2008 against any republican candidate. of course, that won't happen, because the democrats have always had a history of shooting themselves in their proverbial foot. as will rogers said, "i belong to no organized political party, i'm a democrat."

the creationist museum in kentucky is now building a flat earth exhibit.

paris hilton had a heavy dose of reality. now that was a real reality show. mommy! daddy!

many thanks, once again, for all of you who post comments on this blog. those who agree and those who don't. i take no person's opinion lightly and we all are allowed our own. join in, exchange of ideas is fun and sometimes educational.

on another topic: the confederate flag not only symbolizes slavery to black people, it symbolizes treason to anyone who has thought it through. (one time, my friend, brett butler, was working a club in georgia and someone in the audience shouted out, "the south will rise again!" brett said, "and what? start another war you can't win?") while many honorable men fought for the south and many of those had grave reservations about what they were doing, robert e. lee for one, and the soldiers in the ranks were NOT slave holders but common working men, the war was still about the UNION and preserving it. if the south had won (which it had no chance of doing, not in the long run) america today would be a second rate country and probably still fighting itself. while the industrial north was, in a way, screwing the rural south (the hypocrisy of the north in wanting the slave produced cotton for northern plants rather than letting the south sell it to european markets, is staggering) the conflict could have been settled by something much less drastic than breaking up our country.

these were my thoughts on this sunday morning for whatever they are worth.....

fools in line

in this morning's las vegas paper was a story about how many homes are up for sale here and how many of those were unoccupied since many of those were owned by "investors" who had bought the house expecting it's value to go up quickly but it did not. this is the end result of something i like to call, "the next fool in line" theory. here is how this little scam works: you go see a house at 1234 maple street and the seller says, "i want 150,000 dollars for this." you then say, "but it is not worth more than 100,000 dollars." and the seller says, "i know that but what you do is buy it and then sell it to a bigger fool than you for 200,000 and you will make a profit of $50,000 by overpaying $50,000 to me. you tell him to sell it for $250,000 and he will make a $50,000 profit." so you buy it and do exactly that. these investors here in vegas are what is called in this game, THE LAST FOOL IN LINE.

guess what kiddypoos, buy a house to live in for an extended period of time not to try to make money on it. to believe that house values will double every 4 years like they were doing for a short time here in vegas is unrealistic. if incomes are not doubling during that time how could house prices keep going up with no new buyers being created? a middle class family can only afford X amount of money for their housing. if you have 3 children, two cars and a mortgage you need a fair amount of money just to pay the bills for all of that. ask anyone who is doing it.

somewhere along the line people quit looking at their house as where they live and moreso as some kind of "investment." i have never bought a house that i did not intent to live in basically for the rest of my life based on what i knew at that time. the one i own now is the third i have ever owned and hopefully it will be my last. the other two, circumstances lead me to leave. shit happens.

7 out of ten republicans approve of george w. bush's handling of iraq and of our economy. that is not a joke. then again i guess it is.

pirate movie, puntland and back on the road

went and saw the latest j. depp "pirate" movie. other than seeing my hero, keith richards, on the big screen as guitar playing pirate the movie sucked. i have seen better plots in porno and better dialogue in a second grade reader. love depp but these movies are just special effects with no real effort into putting together a coherent story.

the usa is shelling puntland. find that on a map. also we seem to be on the edge of going back into somolia. as gore vidal phrased it, "perpetual war for perpetual peace." for those of you who have not read 1984 recently, you really ought to do so and you also ought to pick up some of vidal's essays on america, he is a brilliant writer and our most noted historian. expand your mind, you'll be surprised by what you learn and how it leads to having new and original thoughts.

truth be known, i am ready to go out on the road; i have spent way too much time here at home and rhonda and i are starting to get on each other's nerves. i have spent my entire life on the road in one way or another and i miss it when i stay at home too much and then find myself being cranky and snippy. need some open road with adventures along the way. on that note, this coming trip should be fun, the downtown crackers in indy gets some good, intelligent crowds and bloomington is one of my all time favorites and have had some magical shows there including the most memorable show ever. bloomington is also where i met rhonda for the first time. then off to dayton to play wiley's where the staff is just great fun, the crowds are usually small but very hip and a good time will be had by all. if any of you are in that part of the country come on out and see me.

dodgers need to win tonight.

golf, aliens, crap games and dairies.

on the front 9 i shot a 57 and on the back a 60 for total of 117 which, considering time between sessions, was kind of surprising. i thought i would shoot a 140 or so. actually hit a couple of good shots. i like a sport where i can ride, smoke, get stoned, bitch, joke, gossip and cheat. shock, the sportsman!

interesting little thing a friend sent to me which could explain a lot: on july 8th, 1947, witnesses claimed a space craft with 5 aliens aboard crashed on a sheep ranch right outside roswell, new mexico. exactly 9 months later, march of 48, george w. bush, donald rumsfeld, condolezza rice, rush limbaugh, dan quayle and bill o'reilly were all born. aliens mated with sheep?

incidently, i was living in roswell at that time. my dad owned a dairy there. good story of how he came to own that dairy; he shipped back from europe in 1946 after serving in the u.s. army from january, 1942 to dec. of 45. on his troop ship were lots of guys who had their last 10-15 months paychecks with them. my dad thought a little crap game would be in order. he got home with enough money to buy us a house, furnish it and buy a dairy. my dad, having a sense of fair play, found that the local BIG NAME dairies were engaging in price fixing so he got in his car and drove to all the independent dairy farmers and with their support formed a co-op dairy that then took on the BIG NAME guys by offering milk and cream at lower prices with the farmers actually getting the lions share of the profits. the BIG NAMES retaliated with violence and threats against our family. my dad said that ironically he ended up being more afraid of american capitalists than he had been of nazi fascists. fearing for the lives of his wife and children he got out of the dairy business and went back to pool hustling, a safer business. later he ended up in the furniture business and lived a long and happy life.

more information about my dad: he was also one of the best soft ball pitchers in all of america prior to the war and when he joined the army they put him in special services and what he did was pitch exhibition soft ball games for the troops after the battles were over. he had patches from all the major campaigns in europe and north africa including anzio, normandy, battle of bulge etc and he never saw a shot fired in anger. he always got there AFTER the fighting was over. (can't help it if he was lucky). since he could speak german, he also worked as an interrogator but with prisoners that had been in our custody for some time and were being shipped back through his base on their way to some pow camp. i have a pistol that my dad took off one of the german officers. (funny story: my dad is in his work tent and they bring this german officer in and he is wearing a pistol. my dad says, "give me that gun." the german says, "under geneva convention rules of war an officer may keep his sidearm." my dad says, "under shock's rules of war all my prisoners are unarmed. so give me that gun or i will have that m.p. there shoot you." since the german didn't know if my dad was serious ((he wasn't)) he gave up the gun. the gun is a walther pp, not the ppk of james bond fame, but the piece of shit that was made towards the end of wwII by slave labor somewhere in poland i believe. the gun won't shoot straight, just can't trust those slaves now can you?)

anyway, blah, blah blah i ramble this morning.

dennis milligan and golf

dennis milligan, the head of the republican party in arkansas, said that what this country needed is another major attack on our soil, "like 9-11", so people would "appreciate" george w. bush. sounds like the neo con game plan for right before the 2008 elections to me.

will the republicans (or at least, the honorable republicans) call for this man's censor and removal from any position in their party? let us wait and see. any wagers?

off to play my first game of golf in over 35 years. doubt that i will break 150. lol. but hey, at my age, golf is the only thing i can do that it is feasible that i will get better at. i'm horrible but i think if i work at it i can get all the up to just bad.

L. James, Blackwater and comedy

l. james is the real thing. as kobe fades into juvenile callowness, james shows class manifested in many ways from his obvious desire to make his TEAM better to his willingness to except blame when he makes mistakes. when he first came on the scene i didn't want to get on the bandwagon because of all the hype surrounding him but i was wrong, this young man is the real thing and it is a pleasure to watch him play. i don't think the cavs can win more than 2 games at the most from the mighty spurs but i will be pulling for them nonetheless.

you might check out the philidelphia enquirer for yesterday and go to the opinion page and read WILL OUR MERCANARIES TURN ON US which is a great piece on BLACKWATER our off the books army in iraq. scary stuff. it was a mercanary army that helped bring about the downfall of rome. remember it is you and i who are funding BLACKWATER. we have the marines, the army, the air force and the navy all involved in iraq so why do we need a 126,000 member private army there as well? who do they answer to? in a de facto way they represent us but who do they answer to? bush? cheney? a neo-con cabal? the religious right? why are they building posts here in the united states? pay no attention; it is only our nation that is at risk.

finished the week at the COMEDY STOP AT THE TROP here in vegas. had great shows! i grade myself hard and brothers and sisters i was 14 out of 14 this week. i did nothing new except for one time i did RDS (restless dick syndrome) and one time i did both DOG STORIES which i very seldom do in vegas even though they are two of my favorite bits. on this coming two week tour i plan on doing some of my rather obscure stories, car chase, jan and howard, ham and cheese sandwich and the story of my trial in los angeles. i am getting tired of my regualr stuff, newspaper stories, gonna die anyway, sex is good etc and am working on some new stuff. i have a little over 5 hours of material and want to write at least three more hours. eventually before i die i would like to have ten c.d.'s out. (a little something to leave behind). wealth and fame go away and death makes strangers of us all but art endures and can endure for centuries. in the future whenever people study or enjoy stand up comedy from the last part of the 20th century and the first part of the 21st century my name will come up. not in a major way but at least as a footnote. hopefully, a hundred years from now someone will say, "you know, mrytle, i wouldn't be a bit goddam suprised ....."

ramblings on a monday morning.

may drive over to san diego and watch dodgers and padres go at it. great race in the west with 3 teams tied for first right now. the power of the national league is in the west this year even though the mets are the team to beat overall. boston in the american league is just running over people. i love baseball.

long list of sheep

seems that it is very hard to find out who read the briefing paper, national security i am sure.

the daily kos reports says that john edwards said he did read it but the week before his campaign said he didn't and now he says he didn't. maybe he read it while in the barber's chair.

jane harmon read it.
dick durbin read it.
pat roberts read it.
feinstien read it,
joe biden read it.
rockefeller read it.

and that's about it folks.
the short list of patriots.
the other list of sheep
is much longer.


may be cursed and never get on a cruise ship because i cannot seem to come up with a 20 minute tape that has clean material, good audience reaction and proper filming and sound. i got the material and audience this time but the actual tape is shit and unfit for showing.

i will try again, maybe in indy and dayton where i am going this month. come on out and see me if you are in the neighborhood.

richardson and cruise ships

so far i have not been able to get a list of the senators who read/did not read the war briefing paper. also i now have a different count on the number of pages, 382. what that may mean is that the 92 page one was the condensed version. obviously the senators are reluctant to say whether or not they read the report so we may never really know. by the same token, the washington post may have had their facts wrong.

just spoke to a representative of the richardson campaign and was very impressed by his ideas. i am still looking for someone to wholeheartly back in 08. i don't know if hillary can get elected and am still skeptical of obama's experience (the presidency of the united states from 09-13 is going to require someone with a will of iron and a grasp of history) and edwards is a fraud. ron paul, the libertarian, has had the guts to tell the truth about why were attacked on 9-11 but he can't raise enough money to win. richardson is the only canidate from either the dems or repubs who advocates a complete and total withdrawal from iraq with no exceptions. no permenant bases, no training troops, no staying to "fight terrorists", etc. for that he has my interest. i am going to a bar b que with his campaign staff here in nevada next week to do some more listening.

have been working this week at the trop and the shows have been outstanding! off for 8 weeks and my timing was not affected at all, surprised even me. taped two shows last night to give to a woman who books some of the very fancy cruise lines so i can work on one of their ships and take rhonda with me. a way to take a nice vacation and get paid for it. shock as a cruise comic. the mind boggles.

if any of you who read this blog happen to come to one of my shows anywhere please come up to me afterwards so i can meet you. i have no idea of how many people read this, i know of three for sure, josh, atomic punk and my lunatic phd friend in texas but surely there's more. i hope.

touched a nerve with the ....bang is his name post, more comments on that one than any other ever posted. all are welcome, jump in.