the great cosmic dick joke
on the road again. afternoon in indy.
just when you think it can't get any stranger; in 1994 the pentagon started work on a "bomb" that would release a "gas" that when enemy soldiers came in contact with it, they would become (so to speak) homosexuals immediately and would then be incapable of fighting because they would become (so to speak) irresistibly and urgently attracted to their fellow soldiers.
"suck that dick, you terrorist, you!"
wind changes:
"suck my dick, you fellow american patriot, you!"
i will admit that i think sucking men off is preferable to killing men off. which would you rather be? sucked or killed? i rest my case.
not only is life a cosmic joke
many times
life is a cosmic dick joke.
(for which, comics everywhere are eternally (so to speak) grateful.)
i know i am.
just when you think it can't get any stranger; in 1994 the pentagon started work on a "bomb" that would release a "gas" that when enemy soldiers came in contact with it, they would become (so to speak) homosexuals immediately and would then be incapable of fighting because they would become (so to speak) irresistibly and urgently attracted to their fellow soldiers.
"suck that dick, you terrorist, you!"
wind changes:
"suck my dick, you fellow american patriot, you!"
i will admit that i think sucking men off is preferable to killing men off. which would you rather be? sucked or killed? i rest my case.
not only is life a cosmic joke
many times
life is a cosmic dick joke.
(for which, comics everywhere are eternally (so to speak) grateful.)
i know i am.
posted by Ron Shock | 12:14 PM
16 Comments:
Dear Mr. Shock,
I feel I must once again respond to one of your statements. You may recall my previous response to your comments regarding the NRA and the right to arm terrorists, in which I pointed out that arming terrorists follows God's methods and gives them the opportunity to choose whether or not to sin, like Adam and the apple.
As a true patriot, I will do just about anything for my country, but I draw the line at allowing myself to be sucked. I have plenty of courage, and am not afraid to put my life on the line, but I refuse to subject my private parts to any form of external suction. What do you think I'm endowed with, a goddam straw? Also, I have heard that the internal pressures created in such acts can damage your gonads and leave you with defective sperm. So if you please, I will simply shoot any terrorist who comes my way, whether he is armed with a rifle or simply has a hard-on.
The previous patriotic comment notwithstanding, I'm afraid I must agree with you. Given a choice, I would definitely prefer the suck option.
Wouldn't the guys in charge of screwing this bomb together at the gay bomb plant become -- in theory -- too lustfully attracted to each other to ever finish building it?
How do they test something like this anyway?
What if it made the ever-elusive "enemy" really attracted to AMERICAN guys only? it is, after all, our weapon.
"How do they test something like this anyway?"
Now we know how "don't ask, don't tell" got started.
"Now men, we need some volunteers for a few sexperiments...I mean, experiments."
It would be good to know the orientation of whoever claims credit for the idea, better yet who was in on the decision.
Well, it certainly wasn't me or any of my friends here in Yazoo City, Mississippi (about 60 miles north of Jackson, in case you never heard of it). We don't have to worry about things like "orientation" around here. Everyone stands straight and tall, and there ain't no gays or lesbians. (In fact, the only time we ever tried to "plug a hole in a dyke" was when we ran low on beavers.)
Mr. Shock, I'm sorry to hear that you won't be coming to Mississippi anymore. We thought you were very funny, except for that one line about West Mississippi, where my wife has several relatives. I have fond memories of that place, for it is where my Golden Retriever bagged his very first chicken.
You claim to be from Mississippi and yet you can spell "orientation" and your dog is of a recognized breed?
Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.
For your information, I have a spell check on my computer. It tends to slow things down, but most of the words turn out right.
As for my dog (Chewie), she ain't ever been "registered" as far as I know. She's golden and she likes to retrieve. We found her asleep in the back of my pickup a few years ago. And like I said, she's good at hunting chickens.
ah, The Internet, where evryone thinks they're smart.
Hey, buddy, I never claimed to be smart, just spell-checked. My dog, however, is highly intelligent, which you would realize right away if you ever met him. Just don't cluck in front of him, though...
...and everyone thinks they're witty.
Only if you believe in a wit of habeas corpus.
Well, Brad, I'm sorry, you don't really get it, now do you; I gave you an opportunity to have some fun with us and share in a wonderful chaotic opportunity to enjoy some truly creative possibilities, but instead, all you offered us were a couple of mindless, vitupertative half-assed platitudes that just grinded the whole flow of the dialogue to an absolute halt ("Well, I guess everone on the internet thinks they're smart")- No they don't,you moron...("Well, I think everyone on the internet must also think they're witty")- No they don't either, moron, and certainly not in order to gratuitiously accede to your supercilious cock-sure commentary-commentary-well, damn! is that all you have to say?
Hey, by they way, do you happen to live in INDIANA by any chance? I'm just venturing a wild guess here, HA HA HA...
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guys! enough already. let us save our rapier wits for the true enemy--republicans.
Strike the smarter than part. I was drunk.
But I still say if my dad were head of the CIA, future vice president and president, I could carry as much cocaine around as I want and never worry about a felony conviction.
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