from there to here with here being a comic.

in 1972 i met a man who started me on a path of re-evaluation and self realization which led me, ultimately, to comedy and the life i have today. who he was and what he taught me are not important here because a. it is way too detailed a subject to take on in a short piece of writing and b. it took me ten years to master it myself so i don't think a short explanation would do you or i or him any credit. basically,it is a way to find that "thing" that i was created to do but first i had to rid my mind of all my plans, goals, dreams and the things that i thought i wanted to do. i found that my goals were not of "doing" but of "rewards for doing", ie to get rich or to have x or y or z. i had to find that something that i, in my heart of hearts and soul of souls, wanted to do, needed to do, was created to do. to do this, i had to say to God (the universe), "i don't know...show me the way." christians call this "turning your life over to God" but i don't think many of them really do that. i did.

by 1980 i had rid myself of many of the trappings of my previous life in "business" and, thanks to my wife, heather, was able to basically quit work and spend my time reading and meditating and waiting for the "sign" that i knew would be forth-coming. she had a very good job at a large insurance company and made enough money for me to not work and for us to still live comfortably. she had faith in me that i would find that thing that i was looking for. (even though, i was not really "looking" but more so "waiting" for it to manifest in my life.

in 1982, i enrolled in the fall semester at the university of houston; not to get any kind of degree but to broaden my horizons, to learn some new things, to stimulate my mind. i took three courses, history of revolution, senior level logic's and introduction to theater. i have always been a student of history so the revolution class was up my alley and logic's is a tough subject especially at the senior level so i knew it would be a challenge. (i ended up embarrassing my logic's prof by proving him wrong in front of the class one day...but that is another story). i knew nothing at all about theater and so that one fell into the "learning new things" category.

so there i was, unemployed, supported by my wife, no plans, no goals and now a part time student and i was going to turn 40 in october. perfect.

in november, right before the thanksgiving break, 26 years ago, in the theater course, another man walked into my life and brought the sign that i had been waiting for. his name was hayden roarke and he was the actor who played col. bellows on I DREAM OF JEANNE. that fateful day, the students were required to perform a skit that they themselves had written. it could be anything, a little drama, or story, or song etc etc. i did a little piece about how i walk like a duck with my feet out. (feats don't fail me now) hayden roarke thought it was funny and after class took me aside and we went and had something to eat. over lunch, he asked what i was doing in college at my age and i told him pretty much what i have just told you. during my little discourse i made him laugh out loud several times and out of the clear blue sky he says, "you ought to be a stand up comic." the sentence that changed my life. through his mouth, God's words were spoken.

he tells me about the COMEDY WORKSHOP there in houston and how i can go and sign up for amateur night. now understand, brothers and sisters, i had never even been in a comedy club and the only comic i had ever seen was buddy hackett in a dinner theater up in denver in the 70's. didn't own a comedy album. wasn't a fan. oh, i had listened to comedy albums when i was young, my dad being a comedy fan. brother dave gardner, bob newhart, bill cosby, the two black crows and some others that i don't remember now.

so, on a tuesday night the week after thanksgiving i went to the comedy workshop to see a show. when i walked into that little dingy club there in the montrose district of houston it was as though a light shone down on me and said "this is what you are supposed to do." on sunday night i went up and did 5 minutes at the end of the show and bombed horribly and, from that day on, i have never done anything else other than stand-up. (well, there is poker but that is not a "job")

i, in a way that i care not to explain, made a "deal" with God. i would do this only for the sake of doing it. i would never do anything with comedy just for the money. the art and the art alone would be my mistress. i don't do commercials and have been offered them. i don't do corporate shows if there is ANY restrictions on what i can do (and there always is, so no corporate for me and besides i detest most corporate people anyway) i did do two cruises but won't do another. i won't work at any club that censors me in any way.

i kept my end of the bargain and God kept it's side. (not "his" side, God is not human and therefore is not a man...God is.) i have never wanted for money, have kept a roof over my head and a set of wheels under my ass so that i can get to the next gig. even when i was taking care of ellen during those horrible years in the late 90's i never asked anyone for money and yet thousands of people sent me money. clubs did benefits for us and raised tens of thousands of dollars. i did the right thing, for the right reason (love) and God or the Universe, if you can't come to grips with the God concept, took care of me. just like Jesus and Buddha said would happen.

every day (well almost every day) i give thanks for life i am allowed to live. i also must give credit to three women, heather, ellen and rhonda who added so much to my life, gave me encouragement and support and love. each of them, i loved and each of them loved me. i have been truly blessed by these women. (i would also have to give credit to rusty, sharon and kathy all of whom i loved and all of whom added to my life but many years ago.) as a side note, i keep in touch with sharon, kathy and heather. rusty passed a couple of years ago.

so, 26 years ago, i was born again....as a comic. and there you go.